I'm A Selfish Fake

So I have always liked this song, but last night while I was over at R's Aunts house we were outside and his cousin put this song on and it reminded me of M. The words hit me in a way they never had before. I ran inside and started crying. I've been doing a lot of that lately. So this post is for M, not that it matters but it will make me feel better.

I am so sorry for everything that I have done. For making you feel like you are unimportant in my life. Because you are important to me, I am realizing this more and more with every day that passes. I am sorry for bailing and making excuses. I was scared, and I thought that if I ignored it everything would be okay and I wouldn't have to confront the fact that I am idiot. I miss you so much. Nobody understands me quite like you do. I wish I could go back and change everything, to put us back together again. I would be there for you, I would listen, I would call. I would visit more and make you a priority. Because I can't imagine getting married and not having you with me. Or having a baby and not have you be one of the firsts to hold it. I feel like all those days are going to be so bitter sweet. But I know I can't go back. But just know that through this all I still have so much love for you in my heart. You will always be my sister, my soulmate, and my jellie. I love you and I'm so sorry.