You would think that with the amount of time I have spent on this earth that I would be accustomed to change. But actually it is quite the opposite. I miss my sisters. This Christmas is going to stink. Neither one of them will be in town. And this Christmas I'm without my bestfriend. Regardless of what happens between us I will forever think of M as my bff, sister, twin, soul mate etc. I wish I hadn't erased her number, I wish I still had her email address. It frustrates me so much to see the consequences of my harsh and non-thinking actions. I just feel so lost without her. Like this piece of my heart is missing each and everytime I find happiness in something else I am reminded of what I lost. It is this endless destructive cycle. I wonder if this stage will ever pass? I hope so, perhaps it is the grieving phase.
On a lighter note R and I have almost all of our Christmas shopping done. On his dime this year. Lol. We are going shopping for a dishwasher for his mom tomorrow. And today we went with my God-Son to take his first pictures with Santa. :) so that fills my heart with joy that even though my sisters and nieces are far away I still have an outlet for Christmas love I suppose.
Bottomline though I'm upset, my mom is depressed, and my dad is in his own little world. But my car gets out ofthe shop tomorrow. So let's end on a good note. :)
