Easter Basket? I think not.....

I have issues. Issues with myself, with my boyfriend, with my friends, and especially with my family. I mean look at me right now, it is 4:20 in the morning and I am ranting on a blog because I can't go to sleep. I have decided I am clinically crazy. I have a problem with putting all of my eggs into one basket. The basket being my boyfriend, R. I only have one real relationship in my life, one without lies or faking, where I can 100% be myself. I can tell him anything, and I can act completely crazy around him. So because of this I spend nearly all my time with him, trying to make this one relationship perfect while ignoring all of my "fake" relationships. For example, my mom came home from Vegas today, and I spent about 2 hours with her, and R of course. We went to dinner, were handed our souvenirs, looked at pictures and then we left. I am so afraid of anything else, of having a relationship with anyone else because of my issues. My mom is a close second when it comes to having a relationship and then it is my two sisters. But even then I feel like I have to fake to keep it going. I have no idea where this stems from, perhaps I have Daddy issues, maybe R is just the only person I can be my selfish self around. Who knows? This issue drove off my best friend, when will it turn in to too much for my sisters and mom? My Dad could care less as long as he has his laptop and the hunting station on. But even more importantly than my family, I have made R such a priority I have driven a wall between myself and the Lord. Sure I pray and lead a "Christian" life, BUT before I went to church every Wednesday, had quiet time and was the closest to the Lord than I had ever been. How could I let my craziness and insecurities come in between me and the most important thing in my life? It is beyond me that I have allowed this. It is as if time has slowed and I am not realizing what all is happening. I honestly do not know. But for now this is all the admittance and craziness I can handle in one night. So I will write later......